Thirty Minute Pony Stories

It’s not often I get to take naps. Don’t give me that look. Really, I’m lucky if I squeeze one in a day. And I don’t get any sleep at night either. Being friends with Pinkie Pie tends to do that to a pony. But anyway, I was deep in the middle of a great, long nap, the kind that’s so refreshing that afterward you’re ready to “attack the day” or something.

But, like I said, being friends with Pinkie means getting no sleep. Ever.

“YOU GUYS! LOOK WHAT I FOUND!”

I used to think putting my cloud right above Twilight’s library was the perfect place for a nap, but I’ve been proven wrong before.

The door to the library bursts open and Twilight is outside in a second, a glare on her face, but curiosity in her eyes, “Pinkie? What is it?”

Rarity and Applejack trail behind her and they gather around Pinkie. At this point, I decide that I may as well swoop down and check it out and I land gracefully next to her.

“What?”

Pinkie points excitedly at a rolled-up piece of paper lying on the ground and waits to make sure she has our undivided attention. Rarity clears her throat impatiently and finally the stupid piece of paper is unrolled.

What I see makes me reconsider dubbing the paper stupid.

“Is that…” I trail off, unable to finish my sentence coherently. I can practically feel my eyes widen and my jaw go slack.

“No, it can’t be,” Rarity denies quickly. “She’s much too…innocent to do something like this.”

I look to Applejack for help, but she’s fallen onto her haunches and is staring blankly at the picture on the parchment. Twilight is blinking hard as if she’s trying to unsee the image before her.

This picture is almost like seeing a wagon wreck. It’s so horrible and unbelievable that you keep looking back at it, even though you really don’t want to. I crane my neck forward again and stare down at the picture.

It’s an ad for this sleazy, disgusting club across the railroad tracks in Bridlesboro. I’ve never been over there and I never want to. It’s said to be full of saltheads and ponies so desperate they’ll do whatever it takes to fuel their salt habits. But it’s not even the ad that disturbs me. It’s who’s in it. With two forelegs wrapped around a long, thin pole and a gross, seductive look on her face, it’s Fluttershy. Pole dancing. In a club. In Bridlesboro.

Everything I know is now a lie. If Fluttershy pole dances in salt addict towns, then Twilight is a member of a death metal band and Applejack can fly.

“Come on you guys,” I hear myself say. “It’s not so bad. She’s still the same Fluttershy.”

Rarity sniffs and nods slightly, “As Fluttershy’s friends, we must accept her…career choice and not allow our prejudices to cloud our vision.”

“But just look at it!” Twilight practically hollers. “It makes no sense!”

“Maybe if we just ignore it, it’ll go away,” Applejack hopes aloud.

“Yes, yes!” Rarity cries. “If we don’t mention this to her, we never have to face it! We can forget all about it!”

“Don’t mention what?”

Yup. It took three words to ruin my day. And, by the looks on their faces, everypony else’s.

Applejack and Rarity step aside as Fluttershy walks forward to where we all stand surrounding the poster. Her eyes go small as pinheads and she makes an uncomfortable eeping sound.

“Oh…my,” she manages to say.

We all exchange awkward glances and wait for an explanation.

“I’m sorry you girls had to see this,” Fluttershy murmurs embarrassedly. “I didn’t think you would ever find out.”

“Really? You thought you could keep your pole-dancing side job from us and we would never find out about it?!” I sneer maliciously.

Fluttershy gives me an odd look and laughs a bit, first soft and gentle, but eventually growing into a laugh almost akin to Pinkie’s, loud and boisterous with plenty of snorts and high-pitched giggles.  

Basically, none of us know what to do. So we all sort of sit there awkwardly, like when your friends sing “Happy Birthday” to you and you have no idea what to do, so you just sit and wait for it to be over.

“Oh girls, you didn’t really think this was me, did you?”

“Well, yeah! It looks just like you!” Pinkie points out.

Fluttershy shakes her head, “No, this is my twin sister, Dancing Queen.”

There’s a collective roar of “YOU HAVE A TWIN?!”, followed by Fluttershy retracting a bit, followed by a collective murmur of “Sorry”.

“I heard she had been kicked out of dance school, but I didn’t know it would lead to this,” she sighed sadly.

We all shift awkwardly where we stand, a million things to say running through our minds but no one is saying anything. What do you say when you find out your best friend has a twin who’s a pole dancer?

The answer is nothing.

“Would it be the end of the world if this is just another one of those things we don’t talk about?” I suggest hopefully.

“Yes, let’s do that,” Twilight agrees, crumpling the paper into a ball with her magic and disposing of it in the trash.

And that was that. We each went our separate ways, promising to meet up for pizza night later. I go back up to my cloud and am about to shut my eyes and drift back to sleep when the clanging of the lid against the trash can draws my attention.

Rarity shuts her eyes and cringes as she reaches into the can and withdraws the ad, looking at it with lust and longing and then trotting away, holding it close to her chest with her magic.

Hmm. Wonder what that could mean. 

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Bookman’s Comments

Great submission, Red! Your Dash voice was perfect, and the others were very in character as well. The dumbstruck reaction of the five was hilarious to see. Especially the idea of just ignoring it and hoping it goes away, then just swearing to never speak of it again. And of course, the Flarity tease is much appreciated.