A purple unicorn stallion stood in front of Sugar Cube Corner. Ordinarily, the bakery would be alive with the sounds of customers purchasing baked goods, or the sound of baking. Since it was Sunday, the bakery was closed. On the door was a “Closed” sign, the stallion’s eyes were not focusing on that. Instead, they were focused on a sign above it.
Sunday: 10:00 – 19:00
He blinked. He looked at the card that his assistant had given him.
Dr. Berriswainer DaVinci Bubble. Psychiatrist.
32 Market Street
This can’t be right. This is Sugar Cube Corner, not a psychiatrist’s office. The door opened and three stallions stood at the door, one mint green, one cream coloured, and one pink. The pink one had a round pair of glasses on his face and was wearing a navy blue blazer with a grey tie.
“Now,” he said. “do you two want another appointment?” The two other ponies shook their head.
“No thanks Berry,” said the mint green pony. “I think we can handle this on our own.”
“Thank you,” said his cream coloured companion. “We probably would have been separated if you didn’t help.” The pink pony bowed.
“It’s always a pleasure to help,” he smiled. The two ponies walked away from the bakery and the other pony waved. He turned his attention to the purple stallion when the two were out of sight. “Hi Dusk! Are you my 2:00 appointment?” Dusk’s jaw unhinged itself as he stared at the pink pony.
“Berry?” he asked in disbelief. “You’re Dr. Berriswainer DaVinici Bubble?” Berry chuckled.
“Well of course I am! I thought the last name would have made it obvious. Come inside,” Dusk entered the bakery and the door closed. “You’re going to have to come upstairs with me. Normally I would have sessions here in the foyer, but the Cakes said I can’t do that anymore after trying some electroconvulsive therapy on a patient.” The two of them headed for Berry’s room. Hundreds of questions were running through Dusk’s mind, the most obvious one had to be asked.
“Since when were you a psychiatrist?” he asked. Berry opened a door and ushered his friend in. Inside was a large chaise lounge. Sitting beside it was a chair and desk. On top of the desk were some papers, a quill in an inkwell, an hourglass, a bamboo tree, and a small waterfall.
“I’ve always been a psychiatrist,” Berry answered. “Parties are expensive. So when I was younger, I decided to get a high paying job that helped ponies. And since psychiatrists help ponies and get paid a lot, it was the perfect choice.” Dusk sat himself on the chaise lounge.
“I’m sorry Berry, but the idea that you’re a psychiatrist is just…”
“Ludicrous? Hard to believe? Insane? Nonsensical?” Berry interrupted. He sat down at the chair and turned the hourglass over. “Don’t worry, I’ve been told that a lot. But it’s true, and I have the degree to prove it. See?” He pointed behind Dusk. On the wall was a framed degree from Manehattan University with the words “Dr. Berriswainer DaVinici Bubble” written on it.
“Huh, I’ll be damned,” Dusk said. He looked to his friend; he had a calm expression on his face and was silently waiting. “So, how does this work?” Berry pushed his glasses up.
“Share whatever it is you want to share,” he answered. “Nopony outside of this room will hear what comes out of your mouth. I promise. So, clearly something’s wrong if you made an appointment here. How can I help?” Dusk tapped the chaise lounge.
“It’s really personal; I don’t think I can share it with a friend.” Berry took the quill and wrote on one of the papers.
“Dusk, this is a safe environment,” he said. “If you feel uncomfortable sharing with a friend, then try imagining me as somepony other than a friend.” Dusk let out a sigh.
“Alright. You know how Butterscotch and Applejack’s sister are an item?”
“Of course, I threw a party for Scotch and Ariane a couple months ago.”
“Well, for the past few weeks, whenever I see them I feel a little jealous.”
“Jealous of what?”
“At first, I thought I was jealous of Butterscotch.”
“Well who wouldn’t be jealous of him? Ariane’s gorgeous! Any stallion I know would have given anything to have a shot with her!” An unamused expression appeared on the patient’s face. “I’m sorry, continue.”
“The more I thought about it though, wasn’t Butterscotch I was jealous of; it was Ariane.” Berry scribbled on his papers.
“I don’t know where this feeling is coming from. Do you have any ideas?”
“Have you tried using Occam’s razor?”
“Berry, that’s what I’ve been trying to do. But I just can’t find the simple explanation.” A sigh escaped Berry’s mouth.
“Alright, it seems I’m going to have to spell it out for you. If you’re jealous of Ariane, it means you have feelings for Butterscotch. And not those feelings that you feel for friends, I mean romantic feelings. In other words, you’re romantically attracted to Butterscotch.” Had Dusk been drinking something, he would have spit out his drink. Instead, a shocked expression appeared on his face.
“I’m not interested in Butterscotch that way!” he shouted. His face acquired a shade of red
“It’s nothing to be ashamed about. Applejack and Blitz roll around in the hay together all the time. Elusive has asked me to set him up with both stallions and mares before. And I like everypony no matter what.”
“Even if I was interested in him that way, I wouldn’t be ashamed, it’s that… wait, ‘rolling around in the hay’?” Dusk asked. Berry opened a drawer and pulled out two small plush figured that shared the likeness of his friends. One was orange with a blond mane, and the other was cyan with a rainbow mane. He set the orange plush on the desk and put the cyan one behind it. Berry then hit the two of them together repeatedly. Dusk’s face became redder. “Alright, I get it. Back to the issue at hoof, I’m not interested in Butterscotch.”
——————[Time Limit Reached]———————-
“If that’s the case, why would you be jealous?”
“I don’t know. But whenever I see the two of them together, I feel a little empty inside. I see them, and I want to be in Ariana’s place.”
“Have you ever had these kinds of feelings before?”
“No, never,” Berry scratched out something he had written. “It’s only after I came to Ponyville and made friends that I’ve felt something like this.” Berry tapped his chin.
“It’s clear that you’re feeling some sort of attraction,” Dusk opened his mouth but was silenced by Berry. “And don’t come up with a retort yet, just go with what I have to say. Let me ask you something. How do you feel about Elusive?”
“What does this have to do with…”
“Just go with it.”
“Well, he’s creative, very generous, has a high attention to detail, all of those are qualities I like,” he stopped for a few seconds. “And I’ll admit, there’s some sort of elegance and grace to him.”
“What about Applejack?”
“Hard working, down to earth, and honest. Not only that, but when he’s working in the fields, there’s just something hypnotizing about it.”
“Loyal, brash, competitive, and a braggart. Ordinarily that last one would be something that bothers me, but with Blitz it just adds to his likability.” A smile formed on Berry’s face.
“You’re demisexual,” he said. Dusk cocked his head in confusion. “Earlier you’ve said that you’ve never felt something like this until you came to Ponyville and made friends correct?” Dusk nodded.
“Demisexuals feel desire towards those they have created an emotional connection with. Since you have a strong emotional connection to Butterscotch, you feel attraction towards him.” Dusk stared at the floor. This was something new, the idea seemed foreign, and yet it felt right at the same time.
“So what does this mean?” he asked.
“Not much,” Berry answered. “It means that you feel attraction to your friends. Speaking of which, would you like to go out with me?” Dusk gawked.
“You’re demisexual, you feel attraction to those you connect with, and I have an emotional connection with you. Ergo, I have a shot with you,” he explained. Dusk just stared at the pony. Silence sat with them for a few moments. “So… is that a no?” A smile formed on Dusk’s face.
“No Berry,” Berry deflated. “It’s not a no. How does this coming Thursday sound?” His eyes widened as he looked to Dusk. A smile that was too big for his face began to form on his face.
“Perfect,” he replied. “Go on ahead; I’ll meet you at the bakery’s entrance after I finish filing my notes on our session.” Dusk got off the chaise lounge and headed towards the entrance. Berry opened a drawer and pulled out another sheet of paper. He read over it with a smile on his face.
Romantic Interest: Dusk Shine. Amount of desirability: WANT!!!
Step 1: Ask Dusk out on a date.
Step 2: Sweep him off his hooves.
Step 3: ????
Step 4: Profit. Or live happily ever after.
Berry crossed the first item on the list off, and headed towards his friend.
Commentary from Donny’s Boy
First off, whoo hoo, DuskBerry! Second, I question Bubble Berry’s sense of professional ethics. I question it highly. I think somepony ought to make a phone call to the Equestrian Board of Psychotherapy ethics committee.
I really loved the idea that Bubble is a therapist in addition to a baker and party planner, and his full name was hilarious and a very nice reference to Pinkie Pie’s full name. My fave part, though, had to have been “Amount of desirability: WANT!!!” Hee!