Thirty Minute Pony Stories

My alarm clock buzzed, startling me from one of the most wonderful dreams I’d ever had! There were suns and beautiful castles and a lot of blushing involved…but I didn’t have time to waste on worrying about my dreams. I needed to get my mail route started!

I nommed on a muffin as I sped out to the post office and picked up my parcels for the day. My coworkers were staring at me, but I didn’t do much other than wave hello and nod. They always stared at me because of my eyes anyway.

With my packages in hoof, I flew across town, ignoring any stares or giggles, till I landed at the cottage of that animal caretaker, Fluttershy. She’s always so nice and kind and she never looks down on me like so many other ponies do, but we never get much time to talk outside of mail delivery since she’s always so busy with her other friends or with her animals. This morning she looked especially downtrodden and exhausted when she came to the door.

“Good morning, Fluttershy!” I greeted, flashing her a toothy grin. “I got another delivery of animal feed for you.”

She blinked blearily and then gasped. Her pupils shrank to little pinpricks and she started blushing. Without so much as a word she took the package and shut the door.

My heart sank. Normally Fluttershy at least gave me a bit of conversation. Did I do something wrong? She didn’t even sign for her package! But I knew it wasn’t worth trying to knock on the door to ask her to sign for it anyway, so I just stamped on my list and moved on.

My mail route kept me bouncing from house to house, giggles trailing after me, or sudden gasps like Fluttershy’s. Something was really off today but I couldn’t put my hoof on it. It was kinda bugging me actually, dragging down my mood. Mean ponies…

When I got to the Carousel Boutique, I had to stop and steel myself before I knocked on the door. Rarity always tried to get me to help her model some dress or other, and it was always a giant waste of my time—sometimes I even ended up running late on my route, and my route always takes so long as it is! But I had to get it over with, so I rapped once on the door, eliciting a singsongy, “Just a minuuute!” from inside.

Rarity threw open the door and gave me that frightening look, that one that threatened hours wasted on modeling. Then I saw her eyes trail down from my face to my barrel, and she, like Fluttershy, gasped. “Oh…Ditzy! What a scandal!” she blathered.

My mouth fell open. “Huh?”

Rarity tut-tutted and shook her head. “Oh, nothing, nothing darling. I’ll just take my delivery now, thank you.” She snatched the package and scribbled a signature on my clipboard. I heard her murmuring something to herself about “juicy gossip” as she slammed the door in my face.

As I moved on, I thought about what she could mean. A scandal? Me? Was she talking about my eyes? Was somepony spreading rumors again? I didn’t know, couldn’t know, and it was really frustrating me.

The last package on my route was for Twilight Sparkle. Maybe I could ask her what was going on. She’s such a smart pony, always talking about all kinds of magical theories and other things I didn’t quite understand. But she was always happy when I checked out mystery novels! So maybe if I caught her in a good mood…

When I got to the library, she was in a good mood all right, but it wasn’t a helpful mood, no. She took one look at me and giggled. “D-Ditzy!” she said, her laughter bubbling at the back of her throat. “Y-you…it’s…it was you? You’re the one…oh my gosh!” She slammed her mouth shut and bit down on her lip, as if trying to keep the mocking laughter from escaping. She waved one hoof at me, beckoning for her delivery.

My eyes narrowed and my lips almost curled into a sneer. “Here’s your package,” I grumbled, dropping the box of books onto a nearby table. I didn’t bother to stick around for her to sign.

Her uproarious laughter echoed in my ears as I strained my wings trying to get back to the post office as fast as possible. I couldn’t believe Twilight Sparkle of all ponies would laugh like that at me! It made me so mad that I almost threw my clipboard at my boss when I stumbled back into the post office. And given that his eyes reflected a bit of mirth, he was lucky I didn’t decide to kick him in his big, stupid head! I took my pay for the day and flew off to find some cloud somewhere to mope on.

I flopped down on the nearest comfy cloud I could find and burrowed into it, trying to soak into its fluffy cloudy goodness. The cloud was cool to the touch…it felt nice, calming.

“Hey, Derpy!” came a sudden shout.

I looked over my shoulder to see Rainbow Dash hovering over me, a smirk gracing her mouth. “What do you want?” I snarled.

“Just thought I’d check to see if the rumors were true,” she said. She pointed at my neck. “And look, they are! I didn’t believe it when I heard it from Twilight and Rarity, but hey look, they were right!” She laughed and clapped a hoof on my shoulder. “So how’d ya do it, huh? How’d you get it away from the Princess? Didja give her the old Derpy charm?” She flashed me a saucy wink.

“What are you talking about—OH MY GOSH!” I cried as I examined my neck, finally noticing for the first time the sparkling gold necklace with its beautiful amethyst gem. The Princess’ necklace! I must’ve kept it when…

A crimson blush flooded my face, so hot that I thought I might catch fire! Rainbow Dash’s eyes widened. “Wait, no, you can’t be serious…Derpy, did you really sle—”

“No time, Rainbow!” I shouted as I popped up into the air and flew for all I was worth for the train station. I needed to get this necklace back to Princess Celestia before too many more rumors started up! I just hoped Princess Celestia wouldn’t be too upset…and maybe, just maybe, tonight might make up for the crappy day I had.

—-

BSB Comments:

Hee. Derpy got a little lucky! I liked the progression here from confusion into anger as Derpy dealt with the laughter that she could only infer came from her condition, and I liked how you kept us in the dark until the very end only to reveal that that was far from the case. This was fun! Thanks for sharing.