Thirty Minute Pony Stories

“Q!” Twilight Sparkle declared.

“Congratulations, Mon Capitane!” Discord grinned. “You’ve learned the seventeenth letter of the alphabet!”

“She did?” Pinkie tilted her head. “How’d she read so many books without knowing that?”

“I am perfectly aware of the letter q, Pinkie.” Twilight growled. “I got this subspace message earlier tonight.” Her horn alighted, and she showed a scroll.

Pinkie peered at it, and Discord’s face dropped at seeing the Starfleet insignia at the bottom.

“Wait, how did you get in contact with the United Federation of Planets?” Discord managed after a moment.

”I monitor everything.” Twilight smirked. “It’s how I knew you were just playing ‘rock’ as it were.”

“There’s jus’ one thing Ah don’t understand…” AJ spoke up.

“…One thing?” Rarity stared at her incredulously.

“Who was Mrs. Peacock taking bribes from?” Pinkie grinned at Applejack.

“Exactly.” AJ nodded, then blinked, and stared at Pinkie. “Whut? No! Whut is this ‘Q’ business about?”

Twilight ignored Pinkie’s apparent nonsequitor. “According to Starfleet, Q are a race of nigh omnipotent beings who like to toy with normal ponies.” She turned towards the Draconequuis. “Sound familiar?”

He sighed and clapped, his paw and claw together making odd electronic sounds in a bit of a fancy tune. “I suppose it’s a fair cop. When you girls beat me in my game, I left behind a nice stone statue to remember me by, but little miss nosey-britches over here ruined that, so I had to come play some more. But now you’ve gone and searched online for walkthroughs.” Discord met Twilight’s glare.

“I have no idea what any of that meant.” Rainbow Dash rubbed her head.

“I got it!” Pinkie bounced.

Discord snapped his lionine digits, and a pair of mares dressed in oddly scanty versions of wonderbolt suits appeared on either side of Rainbow Dash. “Don’t think about it, Riker.”

Dash looked at the mares hanging on her, bewildered. “I don’t need your fantasy mares, Discord!”

“Have it your way.” He chuckled, and snapped his eagle claw this time. Suddenly, the two mares were nuzzling at Spike, who suddenly looked very uncomfortable. “Congratulations, Spike, you’re the new Rainbow Dash.”

“I have the weirdest deja vu.” Spike managed, attempting to slip away, but the mares barred his escape.

“What I don’t get, is why the Federation even responded.” Discord stroked his goatee, peering at Twilight.

“Why wouldn’t they?” Twilight smirked.

“Prime Directive. Non-interference, especially in cases of pre-warp civilizations.” Discord pulled out an abacus, and started calculating with it held in the wrong orientation. The beads made embarrassed neighing sounds instead of clacks. “You developed internal combustion last year, so you shouldn’t have warp for another 200 years!” He looked back at Twilight, as the Abacus bashfully attempted to escape his paw.

She just grinned evilly.

“You didn’t!” Discord gasped.

She nodded.

“You did!” The draconequuis started grinning too, “You warped spacetime just to impress some pointy eared bureaucrats!”

“I did more than just that…” She levitated a small object out of her saddlebag.

Discord grinned broader, “Is that what I think it is?”

Twilight’s mane got a kink in it, as she grinned more broadly, “Oh, I think it is…”

“Uh, Twi, you’re starting to scare me.” Pinkie managed, looking at the levitating ray gun.

Discord giggled with glee, setting up a red and white target on his chest. “This will be so much fun!”

Twilight’s magic flipped a couple switches on the device, “Let’s see how an extradimentional entity deals with a spacial disrupter!”

Discord held his paw and claw out wide in welcome for the attack. It was so long since someone tried to shoot him with something other than friendship. 

Twilight pulled the trigger, and the world seemed to distort. Discord grinned with glee, then everything became darkness.

Pinkie sat up in bed, holding her chest. She panted, and looked at her television, playing reruns of Star Trot: The Next Generation. She blinked, and turned it off with her remote. “I really need to stop eating chimicherrychangas before bed.” She flopped down on her bed, and sighed, not noticing Gummy gnawing on a familiar pistol-like device.

Krizak Comments!

Oh, goody, we did get a Star Trek crossover, and this one’s a doozy. The Discord/Q connection explained, Twilight manipulating the rules of the Federation in order to contact them, the entire thing being a fever dream born of Pinkie’s bad choices in late-night snacking and television, this was pure comedy from end to end. I thoroughly enjoyed this.