Thirty Minute Pony Stories

(See if you can find the Seuss quote.) “I’m late! I’m late! For a very important date!”, a brown rabbit with an hourglass startled a napping pegasus awake. ‘What a curious timepiece.’, she thought to herself, ‘I must see where he is rushing off to in such a hurry.’ It wasn’t until she was falling that she realized the gravity of this decision. It didn’t occur to her that she could just flap her wings and fly, and even if it had, she wasn’t very good at it anyways. She landed in a heap, knocking over a table. She brushed her pink mane out of her face and noticed a very small door, not even big enough for her hoof. “Curiouser and curiouser.” She saw a note on the floor, next to a small pastry. “Eat me? How very peculiar. Oh well, it can’t hurt.” It didn’t hurt at all, in fact, just shrunk her down to a more appropriate size. After a rather unpleasant boat ride and a meeting with an odd set of stallion twins who offered her a mug of cider, which she politely declined, she ran into some very rude flowers who described every reason she needed a spa trip. After a long while, in which she grew very upset and started to cry, a cat ‘poofed’ into existence in front of her face, making her stumble backwards. “Whatsa matter, sad pony?”, the cat said with a grin far to large to be naturally occurring in any breed of feline. “Oh, I am just a little upset is all. You see, I’m a bit lost and I’m trying to find the correct path.” “Aren’t we all? Just do what makes you laugh, and you’ll be okie-dokie-lokie!” “Well I’m not sure what makes me laugh. I’m not really sure of anything at the moment. I think I’m mad, do you think I am?” “Oh, I’m almost positive you are. But you wanna know a secret? All the best people are!”, she laughed and disappeared into the mist. “Wait! Don’t leave!”, the yellow pegasus cried. “I’m not, silly filly! Are you coming or not?”, the cat called from a tree branch a few hoof-lengths away. “Where are we going?”, she asked apprehensively. “Wherever the path takes us!”, she disappeared and reappeared along the path, leading the mare into the unknown. ——————— “You’re late for tea and right on time! Come come, sit sit! Go go, stand stand! Have a drink, or not. Make yourself comfortable, or don’t. Not like I care, but I do!”, a rather hyperactive pegasus buzzed the long table in the clearing a few times, disturbing the mismatched tableware. The top hat on her head tilted sharply to one side and threatened to topple off, but it never did. When the cyan pony skidded to a halt in front of her, she thought that she’d be vibrating if she stood still for too long. Her bloodshot magenta eyes and tipsy demeanor suggested there was something more than tea in those cups. “Wouldja like a spot of tea?”, she asked with a lazy grin on her face, a bit too close for comfort. Clearly she had no boundaries when it came to personal space. Or attitude. “How many cups of ‘tea’ have you had?” “Like one or ten. But that doesn’t matter, cuz there’s still enough for you, even when you stay for dinner! And maybe longer after that.”, she replied with an appreciative scan over the suddenly blushing yellow pegasus. “I think I’m mad enough without whatever’s in your drink, thank you. Don’t you think it’s a bit weird to invite a complete stranger to dinner and more after that?” “Don’t you think it’s a bit weird to be in a world where cats talk and there are tea parties in the middle of a forest? We’re all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love!” “Whoever said anything about love?”, she asked, alarmed. “What were we talking about? Was it about writing desks? I hope not, I hate them. They’re nothing like ravens.” “What? I don’t… Oh forget it.” “Forget what? You seem upset.”, the vibrant-maned pony seemed truly concerned. “I just don’t know where to go!” “Maybe you should visit the wisest being in the land. She seems to have a lot of answers. I can take you, if you like.” ——————— The white caterpillar did have a lot of answers, however, most of them were questions. “Where should I go?” “Where do you want to go?” “How do I get back?” “Back to where?” “Why did I come here?” “Why did you?” “You’re not much help.” “Aren’t I?” “How do I get home?” “That’s up to you to decide.” “I’m going to find a better source of help, thank you anyways.” “Anytime.” ——————— “Can you help me?” “Perhaps. I’ll have to look into your arrival. A small door you said? Quit that at once, Hatter. That is a very valuable object.”, the purple unicorn lifted the glass instrument from the clumsy grasp of the wild eyed pegasus. “But it’s soooo shiny! I like shiny things. I hate them. They’re annoying. Amusing. What was the question?” “Anyways, if you remember the way back to where you came, my knight could lead you there.” At the mention of her title, the knight entered through the doorway and stood beside the White Queen. “Ah’d be happy to escort y’all to wherever y’all came from.”, the orange earth pony smiled widely. “That might absolutely be a little or a lot hard and easy. She came from the forest. A lot of nothing happens and doesn’t in there.”, the pegasus replied. “Well, there is another option, but I’d rather not have to resort to it. There is a portal in the Red Queen’s garden, at the center of the maze. If there’s any hope, it’s there.”, the Queen said reluctantly. “This must be the craziest, sensible, amazing, awful plan I’ve ever heard!”, the Hatter said gleefully. ——————— The chase was long and arduous, not helped by the Red Queen screaming “Off with their heads!” the entire time. The smiling cat picked a rather inopportune moment to pop up in front of the winged pony’s face again. This caused the prismatic pegasus to cackle uncontrollably, the last sound she heard as she leapt into the swirling vortex. ——————— “Hey, Shy! Wake up, you fell asleep reading again! Look at what we found in this old trunk from the basement of the castle!” Fluttershy opened her eyes to find Rainbow Dash completely invading her personal space once again, nearly laying on top of her an wearing a ragged top hat. She peered around her childhood friend to see all of the Elements wearing a different costume piece. The cat ears atop Pinkie’s head matched her coat perfectly, while the oversized white cloak on Twilight’s shoulders left something to be desired. The silver armor that Applejack wore shone with the reflected light from Rarity’s crown. Fluttershy nearly burst out laughing. Suddenly there was a loud thud, and Princess Celestia inched into the room, wrapped up in some type of white sheet. “Could I implore one of you to release me from these bonds I have found myself in?”

Obscure Reference:

Well, this seems sufficiently absurd for a prompt based on Alice in Wonderland! This was a nifty read for how quickly everything seemed to spin past, it was quite amusing, especially considering how it all turned out to be a dream in the end. The references were a nice touch too. Good job!