Dear Diary, today I managed the weather and boy, it sure was…
Ugh! This is stupid. I will never understand how I let Twilight talk me into this. How is writing how my day went supposed to make me feel better? It’s all… slow and un-cool. Like waiting in line at the store for some slowpoke to finish counting their bits for the tenth time and you just wanted to get that jug of applejuice before going home and oh Celestia why are they so slow… yeah it’s just like that.
Besides, I’m a mare of action! Writing is more for eggheads like Twilight.
Not that there is anything wrong with being an egghead! I mean, I don’t get half of what she says most of the time and that girl is way too obsessed with her science stuff at times, but she’s pretty cool. I mean, she introduced me to Daring Do, and everypony know that Daring Do is one of the coolest things ever. Not the coolest of course, that’d still be yours truly.
Still, I guess I owe it to her. She’s been around since… since then. Sure she tries too hard to use that psychobabble stuff on me at times, but it’s just because she cares about me. It’s nice to know that somepony at least tries to get you at times, yanno?
I am happy that I don’t get stuck with her all the time though, there is only so much science one mare can take in a day. Thankfully Pinkie Pie is still my number one prankster partner. And damn does that pony know how to cook sweets!
She’s always hanging around my house these days, “just stopping by for a visit” in that weird flying machine she has, a fresh basket of cookies and muffins and pies in her mouth. Most days I have to kick her out at midnight, saying I need to get to sleep for tomorrow’s work. But she means well. Pinkie doesn’t have a mean bone in her body, not one, and she’s stuck with me through this thick and thin.
Through… through my breakup.
Yeah, there I said it diary.
My breakup. With Fluttershy.
By Celestia it’s hard just to write her name down…
At least I have those two filly’s to count on. Unlike Applejack.
Ugh, just thinking about her makes my blood boil. That pony deserves a good punch in the face one of these days and I think I’m the mare to do the job. That stupid treacherous cow…
I mean, where does she get off on telling me I’m in the wrong! I wasn’t the one who broke up the relationship! And then she goes and gives me the “honesty” talk? Really? You are going to talk about how much you respect Shy’s “honesty” in being true to her feelings about the relationship in front of me. About how I need to respect Shy’s “honesty” in being brave and ruining my bucking life.
To Tartarus with her, I don’t need that crap in my life.
At least I got what I expected out of Rarity. She and I have never really seen eye to eye ever since I made fun of her job. I mean, come on, fashion? That’s pretty bucking lame to be focusing your life on. And besides, she’s always been more of Fluttershy’s friend than mine. At least I can respect her for being true to her friend.
The mare of my dreams, my fillyfriend of the past few years, and the kindest, sweetest pony I will ever meet.
That stupid whorse.
I still can’t believe she went ahead and broke up with me. Me! The most awesomely-radical pegasus in the history of Equestria. You know what diary, why I am even sad about this? She clearly couldn’t handle the coolness or she would have stayed with me. Instead of, yanno, tearing my heart out and trampling it into the ground.
And no I’m not bucking crying, these are just water stains from living in a raincloud, and I swear to Celestia I will bury you if you ever tell anypony. Great, now I’m talking to a feathering book like Pinkie Pie and her weird rockpile craziness.
It’s hard these days. I barely get up in the morning anymore. My schedule used to be ‘wake-up/be awesome/nap’ but nowadays I only seem to nap. And it’s not even good napping, instead it’s napping with boxes of tissues like when Rarity is/was being a drama queen. By Celestia, I’m pathetic.
I mean, look at me. My mane is all ragged and long and nappy like some nopony. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not an obsessive like Rarity was about looking pretty, but I least want to look cool while doing my stunt flying. And it’s only because of Twilight and Pinkie that I even have things to eat. If I had my way, I’d probably have starved a few weeks ago and starving is a pretty lame way to go.
But all of those aren’t the worst parts. No, the worst parts are when I have to be the old me in front of everypony. When I have to smile and nod and be Shy’s friend even when I’m a broken mess on the inside.
It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, being the good, loyal, ex-fillyfriend. I totally am not jealous and hurt when I hear about Fluttershy’s new coltfriend, nope, never. That’d be petty and selfish and uncool. And like I said before, these aren’t tears stains, none of them are.
… look diary, the real reason I am writing in you is so that I can read this later. So I can read it and remember and not go crazy with pain like I have been every time I think of her.
So I can know why I’m not going to be her friend any more.
Just reading that makes me sick to my stomach, like when I’ve screwed up a trick, badly. When my brain is still trying to catch up with the facts, like how my wing doesn’t seem to want to flap anymore and how the ground has suddenly replaced half the sky. It’s moments like that when you really find out what you are made of and recently I found out what I am made of.
I’m disloyal. And treacherous. And… and all of those other words that ultimately mean that I’m a worthless nopony. And why, you may ask?
Because I can’t do this anymore. I can’t stand by and let Fluttershy softly kill me with kindness everytime we hang out. I can’t let my heart get stabbed with soft yellow feathers each day. I can’t afford to remember the past few wonderful years of my life with her.
Twilight had said that the truth would set me free or some horse-apples like that.
Well then, here’s the truth about Fluttershy.
I never want to see her bucking face again.
I am terrified beyond words of losing touch with her forever.
I hate her.
I love her.
That’s the truth.
And you know what?
The truth sucks.
This took a really dark turn at the end! It was pretty sad throughout, of course, but in the beginning it sounded like Dash just had a bad break up and was feeling bad about it. When she finally said she couldn’t be Fluttershy’s friend anymore, that revelation hit really hard. And you make it clear it hits her just as hard, that she doesn’t want to do it, but feels like it’s the only option. Powerful work!