Thirty Minute Pony Stories

Eight ponies stood around the statue of the god of chaos. The Elements of Harmony were being worn by their bearers and the diarchs of Equestria stood at attention. All of them were fidgeting and their eyes moved back and forth as if being watched.

“This isn’t a good idea,” Twilight said. “There has to be another option.”

“I’m afraid there isn’t,” Celestia turned her head. “They’re causing too much chaos. And there’s only one solution to that problem.”

“Even more chaos?”

“That’s correct,” Luna said.

Twilight smacked her forehead. “That makes no logical sense!”

“Exactly,” both diarchs said.

“You know, this wouldn’t have happened if you listened to me,” Pinkie complained. “I told you the first one was evil, but none of you listened! This is almost like the parasprite invasion.”

“Yes, because setting them on fire would definitely solve our problem,” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “At least a dozen of them are made of fire.”

“The first one wasn’t made out of fire! All of this could have been prevented if we just burned him to the ground!”

“Um, girls?” Fluttershy whimpered. “Look up.”

“Rainbow Dash is right, Pinkie,” Rarity said ignoring Fluttershy. “Besides, fire is such a messy way to murder them. We should have used poison to kill him.”

“Rarity, I’ve seen ten of them made out of poison smog,” Applejack deadpanned. “Poison’s not gonna kill them.”

“Girls?”

“Pinkamena was correct in her assumption,” Luna said. “Fire is the best way to get rid of plagues, and this scenario is no different.”

“GIRLS!” everypony turned their attention to Fluttershy. “Look up.” All of their eyes widened when they did so.

“I’ve found them!” a voice shouted. “They’re in the castle gardens right by…” A beam of yellow energy shot the intruder out of the sky. Celestia and Luna distanced themselves and lit up their horns. A two toned spherical barrier formed around the assembled group.

“Undo the seal,” Celestia said. “This shield will only buy us a little time. Hurry!” The Element Bearers nodded before turning their attention to the statue. They closed their eyes just as the Elements gave off a familiar glow. The stone began to melt away, slowly revealing colour. At the bottom of the statue, a puddle of stone formed. When all of the stone melted, a mismatched creature fell to the ground. He pushed his body upwards gasped for air. A sinister smile formed on his face as he panted.

“Yes,” he said. “Finally, after… I don’t know, what’s a dramatic amount of time? After a while, I’m free. Say goodbye to your precious harmony, Equestria, because chaos will rain from the sky!” The creature moved his arms before looking at them. Attached to his wrists were stone cuffs with red glowing arcane symbols on them.

“Did you really think that we’d release you without a way to keep you down?” Luna asked. “We knew that you’d try to start causing mischief, so we prepared those for you, Discord. They’ll limit your powers so we can negotiate.”

“You,” Discord said pointing at Luna. “One of two ponies who originally sealed me away, have decided to release me, the physical embodiment of chaos and anarchy?” Luna nodded. “Seriously? What have you been smoking to come to that decision?”

“Discord,” Celestia said. Discord snapped his talons and a glass of chocolate milk appeared before him. The glass was brought to his lips. “We need your help.” Glass shot out of his mouth and he fell into a coughing fit.

“I’m sorry,” he said between coughs. “I thought I heard something completely and utterly insane. And yes, I’m aware of the hypocrisy. Did you say that you need my help?”

“We do,” Twilight said. “This is something that the Elements of Harmony couldn’t handle. We tried to stop them with it, but it only made them stronger.”

“Now I’m curious. What is it that spooked you all so badly?” As if on cue, something landed on the shield. All of the ponies looked up with fear in their eyes while Discord quirked an eyebrow. Standing on the shield was an emerald green alicorn stallion. His mane and tail were flowing as if on fire and mechanical braces were on the base of his wings.

“An alicorn?” Discord asked. “That’s what caused you to release me?”

“They’re not alicorns,” Pinkie said. “They’re something else entirely. And they just keep coming and coming.”

“There’s more?” A second alicorn landed at the base of the shield. This one had a shaggy black and red mane and a short tail. His body was completely black and he had red stripes as if he were a zebra. On top of his eyes were bright red sunglasses. Another made of fire marched up beside him. An alicorn made entirely out of water stood on the other side of the shield, and more kept coming. Alicorns of every colour, substance, and design soon stood around the shield. Each of them raised a hoof and hit the shield. Cracks began to form on the shield.

“Ah,” Discord played with the solid piece of chocolate milk in his talons. “Them.”

“If you know what they are, why don’t you help us?” Rainbow asked.

“Patience, young Rainbow Dash,” a smile formed on Discord’s face. “You wouldn’t want this shield to break from the inside now would you?”

“You wouldn’t dare,” Applejack said. Discord pulled his arm back.

“Stop!” Celestia yelled. “Can you stop them?”

“That I can.”

“What will it take for you to help us?”

“Now that’s more like it,” a paw tapped the draconequues’ chin. “I’ll help you, under three conditions.”

“Name them.” The Element Bearers gasped.

“Princess Celestia,” Rarity said. “Surely you aren’t playing with the idea that you can…”

“Name them.”

“First, I’d like you to remove these cuffs. I can’t access all of my powers if I have them on.”

“Once you agree to help, they will be removed. What else do you want?”

“Second, I’d like twenty four hours worth of freedom. During that time, you and none of the Elements can stop me, no matter what I do.”

“Done.” The cracks in the shield were growing.

“Sister, is that really a wise decision?”

“No, dear Lulu,” Discord smirked. “It’s not.” Luna lit up her horn and pointed it at him. A white hoof pushed her back.

“What’s the last thing you want?” Celestia asked.

“One final request, and you’ll like this one, Pinkie,” he said. “Play a little game with me.”

“A game?!” stars formed in Pinkie’s eyes. “I love games! What are we going to play? Candyland? Pin the tail on the pony? Xiangqi? Go? Chess? Battleships?”

“Nothing like that, but it is a board game… in a way anyways.” A piece of the shield fell down.

“Agreed.” Celestia lit up her horn and the cuffs fell off. Discord snapped his lion’s paw and the shield disappeared. All of the alicorns stared at the assembled group with empty eyes. They slowly marched forward.

“I knew it!” Twilight screamed. “I knew he couldn’t be trusted!”

“So, this is how we die,” Rainbow said. “I can’t complain.”

“Girls,” Fluttershy said. “I want you all to know, you’re the best friends I could’ve asked for. I’m proud to call you my friends.”

“Same here,” Rarity fell to the floor and sobbed. Applejack placed a hoof on her. “I know, Rare. It’s going to be hard.”

“Oh for goodness sake!” Discord clapped. “Stop with the saccharine soaked speeches!” He sunk his claws into the air. Both were pulled in opposite directions as if he was opening a heavy door. A large hole slowly opened up as he did so. A strong gust of wind came from the other end of the hole, sucking in anything in front of it. An alicorn was sucked in and many soon followed. All of the assembled ponies held onto the ground as the alicorns were sucked into the void. Celestia lost her grip and join the group. Try as she might, Celestia could not fight against the wind.

“Princess!” Discord reached out, grabbing onto Celestia’s foreleg. He pulled her back and put her beside Luna. When the last alicorn was sucked in, Discord pushed the void closed. He cracked his neck before smiling.

“There,” he said. “All done.” The ponies stood up.

“What did you do?” Pinkie asked.

“And what were they?” Twilight added.

———————[Time Limit Reached]———————

“They, are known as Sues,” Discord explained. “Think of them as poorly constructed fictional characters. They have outlandish designs for no rhyme or reason, and things just happen to them. Usually, these things lead to little to no conflict. They survive virtually anything due to convenient power they have. Nothing can kill them except maybe Murphy’s Law.”

“What did you do to them?” Luna asked.

“I sent them to the place where ideas are born,” he continued. “They’re in a place where they can’t harm any living being. It’s strange though, normally they can’t leave the collective unconscious. If they came here, it means that ideas are falling into reality. But that’s not my problem.” Discord turned around with a smile on his face.

“You all have to live up to your bargain,” all of the ponies save Celestia got into defensive stances. “Hey, I kept my part of the deal, now it’s your turn to do the same.”

“He’s right,” Celestia said. “I suppose you want your freedom now?”

“Actually, no,” the solar princess raised an eyebrow. “I want to play our game instead.”

“You never said what game it is,” Pinkie said. “So what is it?”

“There is no name for this game,” Discord snapped his talons. A grassy green pipe big enough to fit a pony appeared before them. “All you have to do, is find your way out of the labyrinth. Once all of you find the exit, I’ll return to my prison. You cannot use magic to teleport, and you cannot fly over the walls, not unless you want to see your current position. So, what are you waiting for? Get in and play the game!” Pinkie hopped into the pipe with a smile on her face. The seven other ponies gingerly followed Pinkie’s example and fell into the pipe. When the last pony fell through, the pipe sank into the ground. Discord smirked. Unknown to the ponies, they were being sent to a labyrinth without an exit.

“Let’s see, twenty four hours of non-stop chaos, where to begin?”

Krizak Comments!

So many… terrible… OC ponies… Thank goodness Discord knew just what to do with them! Until the end (where I understand you were already over time and wanted to finish up), this story actually had a nice sense of pacing and timing, both for the reveal of the threat to Equestria and the negotiations with Discord under duress. I liked Discord’s plan, though I think Pinkie will have a loophole that games have to have an achievable win condition or something like that. A very amusing concept, all in all.