Thirty Minute Pony Stories

All was normal in the Kingdom of Chaos, which is to say: nothing was normal at all. The buffalo were all betutu’d today, tomato soup tornadoes were busily carving out paths of ruin, and the weekly forecast was cats, with a slight chance for a dog if King Discord felt like it. 

The only problem was that King Discord did not feel like much today. Everything was business as usual, and business as usual was BORING. He scratched a few marks into his fools’ gold throne, trying to think of how he could shake things up.

“A statistically uniform distribution of chaos,” he mused, staring out on the jumbled jigsaw that was his domain. “Almost… orderly, one could say.” 

Another scratch in the throne, piercing straight through the fools’ gold wrapping to the chocolate underneath. 

“I hate orderly,” he grumbled.

It was something of a dilemma, to be sure. The realm was, when you got down to it, perfectly bent-out-of-shape. But perfect and chaos do not mix well, and Discord was starting to notice. You could only have so many pigs flying ‘round in the sky, after all, before it got a little mundane. 

Suddenly, his ears perked up. His hair bristled and his scales began to itch. “Aha!” he cried. “A disturbance.”

A disturbance indeed: someone, or something, was not entirely wacky, and that tended to stick out a bit in a realm of pure chaos. As sovereign protector of his patch of disorder, he couldn’t let this threat go unpunished. No matter how small it seemed.

Discord grinned. Today, it seemed, would not be completely dull.

He snapped his claws together, and in an instant he was at the source of the trouble. He took a moment after teleporting to admire his majestic choice of lime green as the sky’s color for the day, then turned his attention to whatever it was that had called him.

As it turned out, the cause of all the commotion was a simple gray earth pony who’d planted some flowers in a straight row. She hummed to herself as she dug the hole for the next electric-blue daisy with her trowel, completely oblivious to the fact that her King was standing not ten feet away from her.

Discord cleared his throat, making a screechy noise best compared to an broken violin.

The pony jumped. “Oh!” she gasped, finally taking notice of him. “Oh! Oh… Lord Discord.” 

“Yes, yes, that’s me,” said Discord. He leaned down to get a closer look at the row of flowers. “That’s quite a straight line you’ve got here,” he noted. “Almost looks like it isn’t random.” 

“Well… well,” she stammered, visibly sweating. “It just… happened that way?”

“I don’t think either of us buy that, my dear,” said Discord, tickling her chin with his paw. “It seems you’re in clear violation of the rules of the realm. What do you have to say for yourself.”

She gulped. “I… I…” She looked up at him and stared him straight in the eye. “I think it looks good that way!” she said defiantly. “Maybe flowers look better when they’re planted in rows instead of all over the place! Why does it have to be illegal?” 

Discord shook his head and tut-tutted. “Dear, Dear,” he said. “However shall we stop such a dangerous criminal?”

She was shivering now, her momentary burst of resolve having left her. “I, uh, didn’t mean—”   

He snapped his claws and she exploded into a pack of colorful butterflies.

“That’s how,” he sneered. “Day saved.”

With the disturbance dealt with, he turned his gaze again toward the row of flowers the late and irrelevant earth pony had planted. “‘They look better in rows,’ huh?” he said to himself, scratching his head. “Interesting. Perhaps these ponies are a bit less dull than I’d thought.”

He looked out again over his raggedy, patchwork Kingdom. “I suppose,” he said with a manic sort of chuckle, “that I ought to go find some more criminals.”

The day, as boring as it had seemed when it began, was about to get a good deal more exciting.

Krizak Comments!

Ahh, when you’re the king, you get to define what heroism is, and to a Discord that has won his battle against the ponies of Equestria, heroism is the noble fight against order’s tyranny. It’s interesting to see how things being too chaotic can practically be orderly, and while Discord’s methods of dealing with ordermakers seems extreme… hey, at least it was an explosion of butterflies rather than innards.